I am currently sitting in our bed with Baby Loco snoozing by my side and a hot pink globe is projecting stars on the ceiling. Continuing this blog on my own is a task I never wanted to manage. Here I sit with tears in my eyes. Mr Loco is star stuff. I am a widow. Baby Loco is confused as to where daddy is. I want to continue this blog to tell Mr Loco’s story and to share how Mr. Loco is not gone. He is right here in Baby Loco and in my heart as I raise this little bundle of awesome.
This was a Friday morning like most of our mornings. We got ready for work, tag-teaming the care of Baby Loco. Mr Loco walked her around in her wagon. (Her favorite daddy/daughter activity) We kissed goodbye in the garage as we did each morning we did not carpool to work. I always needed at least three kisses with an “I love you”. Sometimes more. Mr Loco always indulged me. He was never in a rush.
We made plans to meet up at the Children’s Museum for an after-hours, members-only party. He cracked a joke about our Friday nights now that we had a baby and said he would not change it for the world and off we went to work.
I got a call that Mr Loco had been taken to the ER. I was nervous as I drove the the ER but I really thought I would go bounding back to the ER with Baby Loco in her carrier and there would be a sheepish Mr Loco apologizing for the scare. That was not the case. Mr Loco fell in the bathroom at work and hit his head. He was sedated and taken back for a CAT scan. Surgery was needed. I told him I loved him and off they went. As I waited, I thought about all of the work that was ahead of us. This type of surgery was crazy-scary. It was going to take a lot of work to heal.
We were looking forward to a mellow 2014. We put a deposit down on a beach house that we were renting with friends for a week over the summer. Mr Loco found classes at the zoo that he wanted to sign Baby Loco up to take. Mr Loco was having a blast taking Baby Loco to the Children’s Museum for daddy/daughter dates. We were as crazy in love as we always were. Life was good. We talked about how lucky we were to have time together. How it was important to cherish the small stuff and the big stuff. Being able to kiss. Holding hands. Snuggling a baby as we slept as a family. These are the things that made being part of The Loco Family pretty freakin amazing. The Loco family motto is “Be excellent to each other.” taken from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. We were. Mr Loco was my absolute favorite.
Back to surgery….waiting for 4 hours was tough. The neurosurgeon came in and out several times with updates. Each time he entered the room with more panic on his face. When he asked me to sit down, I knew my life as happy Mrs Loco was over.
The next few days were incredibly hard. Mr Loco had a strong desire to be an organ donor. So much so that he filled out all of the online paperwork to become a donor. The hospital staff was impressed. They said he was the only one that has ever taken the time to do more than just check his driver’s license. They were immediately impressed. I told them that this is just who Mr Loco was, kind, caring, and with a crazy attention to detail. He and I had talked about the importance of organ donation as well. My only experience in regards to organ donation is from watching television. So, in my head they were hanging out like vultures around my husband just ready to go. That is not the case. It typically takes around 48 hours to get everything in place for donation. They first have to test the donor and figure out what may be donated. They have to match the donor up with people on the list starting in your state on blossoming out. They have to test those people to see if they are healthy enough to have the surgery themselves. Finally, they have to put together surgical teams and book the OR. That is 48 hours family and friends spend with a loved one knowing that the clock is ticking and that nothing can be done to stop it. Those 48 hours were incredibly difficult but I am thankful I had them. I got to soak in as much of Mr Loco as I could. People got the chance to say goodbye. They were the hardest hours of my life.
Goodbye is a hard thing to say.
Mr Loco donated his heart, lungs, liver & both kidneys as well as supporting scientific research. He helped five people. That is who he was. He was helpful. If you needed anything, Mr Loco was ready to pitch in with a smile on his face. He loved the movie quote: Be excellent to one another. He lived this quote. Our little family will work every day to continue living by being excellent to one another.
I hope to continue to update this blog for a few reasons.
1. It will help me process.
2. It makes me feel close to Mr. Loco.
3. I want to tell his story. His story may be through memories, through our journey after losing him or telling the story of how he lives on through Baby Loco.